The President
by mistermudkip74
Summary: Kramer becomes president of the United States, George demands respect
1. Chapter 1

"Y'know, when a world leader dies, we don't really have a set standard on how we talk about them in the following weeks. It's like, if they were just _awful_, we say 'Aw, good riddance! That guy was a chump!' If they were good, we say 'They will be dearly missed. We will never forget them!' But what do we do if the guy's just… so-so or something? Y'know, never really had that big of an impact, you know they're there but you don't remember them doing much. Do we just act like nothing happened? Are we supposed to be like 'Oh, the president of Finland died. What's on ABC?'" The audience roared with laughter. It had been 2 weeks since the great disaster, and comic Jerry Seinfeld was performing stand-up at the Jethro Clampett Memorial Theater. The country was still shaken by the attack, but life was starting to go back to normal. Jerry finished his act and went to Monk's Café.

"I still can't believe Elaine is dead." said George. "Yeah.." mumbled Jerry. "The whole government was wiped out.. Vice President Puddy, Speaker of the House Soup Nazi, Secretary of State Doormond…" Jerry continued naming everyone killed in the attack, none of whom are currently or have previously served in the United States Government in real life. (18 USC 871) "All fine characters.." lamented George. The two sat in silence for a good 3 and a half minutes. "So George, who's president now?" asked Jerry. George groaned. Jerry drinks some of his Tab™. "Representative Cosmo Kramer.." groaned George. Jerry spat out his Tab™. "K-KRAMER?!" yelled Jerry. Everyone in the café looked at him. "K-KRAMER?!" whispered Jerry. "Oh yeah." Said George. Jerry got up and ran home without paying for his meal.

Jerry turned his TV, and sure enough, Kramer was the new president of the United States of America. "Those idiots in District 14!" yelled Jerry. "He's gonna smigbob everything up!" George chuckled. "More than Elaine?" said George. George had suddenly appeared on Jerry's couch. Jerry, unfazed by his friend's sudden teleportation abilities, thought for a moment. "…More than Elaine!" said Jerry. Just then, President Kramer burst in, accompanied by 2 Secret Service agents. The laugh track cheered. "Hey Jerry! Did you hear the news?" said Kramer. Jerry stared at him. "Yes, I heard the news." said Jerry. "Oh.." said Kramer. "I wanted to surprise you.." Jerry had a small epileptic fit. "You're the most powerful man on Earth! It's on every channel! The only way you could surprise me would be if you cut off my power supply!" said Jerry. Kramer turned to one of his agents. "Make note of that." The agent wrote that down. "I have one more surprise for you: who's going to be in my Cabinet!"


	2. Chapter 2

Jerry, George and Kramer stood there in an uncomfortable silence for 5 minutes. "..Well, who is it?" said Jerry. Kramer pulled out a long piece of paper and started reading from it. "Secretary of Education, Wilson W. Wilson, Secretary of Energy, Gilligan.." Kramer continued reading off people, none of which were Jerry. "And for Secretary of State... A famous comedian, and a close friend of mine…" Jerry's eyes lit up. "…Uncle Joey!" Jerry fell over. "Uncle Joey?!" said Jerry. "Why not me? I've known you longer than him!" Kramer put his hand on Jerry's shoulder. Jerry immediately forced him to stop. "Well, I assumed you were busy. You have that new series, Comedians Getting Coffee With Bees." said Kramer. "That was cancelled a year ago!" said Jerry. "Well, maybe he'll die and I'll appoint you." said Kramer. "Now, my vice president will be…" Jerry and George sat in suspense. "George Costanza!" George fell off the couch. "M-me? I don't know how to be vice president!" said George. "Don't worry, George, it's easy, you hardly have to do anything!" said Kramer. "But what if you die?" asked George. "When was the last time a president died in office?" said Kramer. "About a week ago." said Jerry. George groaned. "You'll get a ton of respect." said Kramer. George stopped groaning. "Respect?" said George. Kramer nodded. "Respect…" said George. Images of scantily clad women and piles of money ran through his mind. "Alright. I'll do it! George Costanza will be the most RESPECTED vice president in history!" said George. "But what about me?" whined Jerry. Kramer and George left without answering him. "BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?!" whined Jerry.

"Alright, President Kramer, we have to rebuild the nation after that terrible attack." Said Vice President George. "What are you gonna do?" President Kramer thought for a moment."..I haven't thought of anything yet. Tell you what, you go get lunch somewhere and I'll think about it." said President Kramer. "..If you say so. Tell me if you need anything, I guess." said George. "Didn't think it'd this easy.. Maybe that's why they all look so young." George walked out and went to the nearby deli. He walked in expecting everyone to turn and stare at him. No luck. He grumbled and went to the counter. George asked the cashier "Do you know who I am?" The cashier stared at him. "..Nope." said the cashier. ".. I'm the Vice President." said George. "Of what?" said the cashier. "OF THE UNITED STATES!" yelled George. "…Whatever. I'd like a 12 inch sub on rye with ham, cheddar cheese and olives." The cashier punched that in. "That'll be $15.50." said the cashier. "I don't get some kind of presidential discount?" said George. The cashier looked at him like he was crazy. George grumbled and paid for his meal full-price. George sat at a booth and angrily ate his sandwich. A young boy ran up to his table. "Hey! I know you!" said the boy. George's eyes lit up. "You do?" said George. The boy nodded. "You're Radar from MASH!" George threw his sandwich on the table. "DOESN'T ANYONE KNOW WHO I AM?" yelled George. Everyone in the deli stared at him. "..Sir, you're making a scene. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave." said the cashier. George yelled and walked out.


End file.
